Among other things, right now I'm faced with HOW do I make my daughter's University cum-laude graduation vacation happen. She's earned it, and we promised it to her when she started school. How can you make a vacation for a family of four happen when you've got like zero in your coffers?
Frequent flyer miles? Don't have any. So flying to get to the ship is a problem. Most ships sail out of the East Coast. The airfare for all four of us would pretty much break us before we even get off the ground. There are some cruises out of Los Angeles. But with the exception of the Mexican Riviera, which we have done twice already, that pretty much covers the "tropical" kind of vacation she'd hoped for.
Now I'm looking at Seattle/Vancouver. Even I'm finding that to be difficult to categorize as a graduation trip. But there's Alaska...Alaska sounds great. We can fly to Seattle (not bad) and experience a once in a lifetime trip. But well, she can't wear her bikini...(her words ;)
I'm so upset I can't make her dream vacation happen. She's earned it and more. Even as I type this, tears roll down my face. It's so amazingly frustrating.
I'm just so tired of worrying about money. There are other "how's" that are cash-related, like how do we get my son driving when the car he's supposed to practice with has died and we can't afford to fix it? Or, how am I supposed to network and go to conferences when we can't afford to have me go to these events? How? How do I re-up my CLIA when even the discounted rate offered to my host agency is more than I can comfortably take out of my checking account?
In this new arena of How's I'm lost, lonely and afraid. I'm not just afraid of breaking a promise to my daughter, but also that I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm wondering if it's time to give up on my dream of selling travel and get a job with a guaranteed paycheck. Maybe I can do both. I don't know. All I do know is that I feel the water pushing me under again and again. No sooner do I catch my breath and I'm fighting to catch it again.